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The Gearboat Chronicles

The Boss Is Gone – Prices Slashed!

Paul and Penny are vacationing down in Old Mexico and Morgan is up in the mountains guiding ski trips . . . which means I have right here on my desk the booking calendar for Winding Waters rafting trips this season.

So let’s make a deal.

Want to barter some eggs? Trade that old recliner in your garage for five glorious days of whitewatery bliss in Hells — the deepest canyon in all the lower 48? I’m your guy. Call now. I’m standing by.

Paul, if you’re reading this, which I’m certain you are not, because you’re sipping margaritas in a hammock beside some palm-thatched cantina in a sleepy villa – but if you were to be reading this, you just rest assured, mi amigo, that Winding Waters is in the best of hands. You can have complete and utter confidence that by the time you cross back over the border into Los Estados Unidos, this outfitting outfit will not have been neglected in your absence.

I’ve made a few changes. The logo you had was good. But change is better. I thought we needed something that says: Bam! Pow! You know, excitement. Something to reflect the rare delight of floating down a river with a special crew such as ourselves. I want people to know it’s not something they’ll forget. Like seeing a unicorn, or something.

So the new logo is a unicorn with a rainbow in glitter behind it. I was going to try to keep the river motif in the background to be consistent with the whole ‘river’ thing . . . but I think it’s cleaner with just the unicorn so I’ve changed all the letterhead and I’m sure you’ll love it. I saw it in one of those sticker vending machines in Safeway and it cost me like a buck-seventy-five before I got the right sticker. The other ones were lame. So I just put them on the company van.

Next I thought I’d revamp our whole image, beyond just the logo makeover. So I got to thinking how we’re known as Winding Waters River Expeditions . . . and I like “Expeditions” because that’s what it is. And plus it’s an adventure and I wanted to combine all that in a new way, so here’s what I’ve got:

Expedition + Adventure.

That equals: Expedenture.

Winding Waters River Expedentures.

“Expedentures” does kind of sound like a mail order false teeth company, a little bit. But it’ll catch on.

I’ve got loads of other ideas. Just wait. You will not be sorry you left me on watch. I’ve got that go-get-‘em attitude and aim to prove it.

I tried to reach you in Mexico, but the man at the reception desk wouldn’t put me through even though I explained it was important company business . . . he told me there was no such word as ‘expedenture,’ in spanish or English, and refused to bother one of their guests over such a matter.

But I did manage to sign him up for a river trip in August. Traded for the towels and soap in your cabana, so don’t forget to pack those up before coming home.

Or stay another week. You won’t even recognize this company when you get back. I can’t wait.